When you first accept you are gay, I think one of the first fears you have is of being alone. There are times, when you begin to believe you are the only gay person on earth. Just knowing that there are other gay people in your area can be a huge comfort. But how do you find them? What about socializing? Well, that’s what I intend to discuss here.
Before I go any further though, it is vital to realize that SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT when meeting other gays. Although life would be pretty awful if we went through it without meeting other gay guys, we must also remember that there are some pretty warped people out there too. Just keep some common sense before meeting people you don’t know. I will discuss safety issues later on this page.
Even if you don’t get out much, there are ways of meeting other guys. Most local papers have a personals section for dating. Most also include a section for guys wanting to meet guys. If you want to respond to an advertisement there, then the first point of contact is the newspaper itself, so no personal information is given to anybody unless you agree.
Gay magazines contain hundreds of gay advertisements too – but they require you to actually buy the magazine first – a prospect that may seem a bit daunting to some people.
I’m not sure about America, but in the UK most Universities have a Lesbian/Gay/Bi/Transgender society. Details of these can be obtained from your universities’ Student Union. All you would need is a phone number for the Student Union, or if you are shy, then just email them from an anonymous address. Such societies sometimes have their own social room (for example at University of Birmingham) and/or arrange social events for its members. (Becoming a ‘member’ usually just involves turning up!)
Perhaps one of the most useful tools gay people have ever had for meeting people is the Internet, and if you are reading this, I guess you have access to it!
The Internet provides three main ways of getting in touch with other gay people. Firstly, it contains home pages of most of the local support groups in the world. So if you use a search engine to search for the name of the nearest big city to you and ‘gay support group’ then there is a chance you’ll find one. I’ve found the best search phrase seems to be:
(For example, looking for groups near Birmingham)
Birmingham + “gay support group”
The Internet also provides ‘online gay communities’, the biggest of these would appear to be www.gay.com or more recently for us Brits, www.uk.gay.com, or another UK community is www.xantio.com. Again, a search for “gay communities” or “online gay communities” should provide a comprehensive list of these sites.
Online communities offer various services. Many offer free email, links to loads of useful gay orientated sites and gay related news. The main feature though, is the personals or chat services they provide.
This brings me the third, and probably most significant aspect of the Internet. Chat. There are many chat sites for gay people on the Internet. If you haven’t much experience on the net, then give chat a try anyway. There is usually somebody who will offer you assistance in the chat rooms if you get stuck.
If you haven’t found a chat site for gay people yet, then there is www.yahoo.com chat – the gay room is found under ‘cultures and communities’ as ‘lesbians gays and bisexuals’. Alternatively there is www.gay.com chat (Warning: This intended for over 18’s, although there is no check.) – which has chat rooms for different areas of hundreds of countries, allowing you to chat with people in your own area.
Chatting has two main advantages. Firstly, it allows you to talk about life with people who understand, without having to disclose any personal information. While you are chatting on the Internet, there is nothing to make you feel self-conscious.
The second benefit is the opportunity that chat rooms offer to find people in your own locality. When you have gotten to know somebody sufficiently enough to want to meet them face to face, then a meeting can be arranged. However there are a few things you should consider BEFORE you ever meet anybody. To ignore the following tips would be completely foolish and possibly life threatening:
Whilst meeting other gay guys is important, it is not as important as personal safety. I certainly don't want to hear about any more homophobic attacks due to people not being careful. I wish everybody luck in finding somebody nice to settle down with, but I also encourage you to put safety first. If there are any precautions I may have missed please let me know.
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